January 9th, 2019 11:41pm
Have you ever just spent nights lying awake? Not because of the amount of coffee you drank that day or the thirty-minute nap you took on the couch that afternoon, but instead, you are kept awake by memories and thoughts swirling around your head in hopes of landing your attention.
I lay awake night after night, filled with sleepytime tea and melatonin tablets, unable to find rest in all the chaos of thought. Reminiscing on the what-ifs and the could have been, finds its self to be less haunting and more intriguing, like writing multiple endings to your already written stories. I write in my journal the trials of regret and the burden of self-reflection. The entries are one sentence long, but they say more than pages ever could. Simple illustrations about how flowers give me hope, and the crisp air refreshes my faith. I sum up the drama of friendships and the emptiness of past “hes.”
Although common sense says to sleep, it is as if our minds know that there is too much out there to waste time sleeping. There are too many possibilities to explore and too much heartbreak to ignore. Even when we do finally find peace in rest, the mind is at work, creating dreams. The thoughts never stop, and the story never ceases to be written. What a magical experience we have as people to be able to reach into our innermost selves and seek out the things that awaken us, things that ignite our emotions and build the foundation of how we will decide to spend the tomorrows.
In the morning, I will feel the weight of the minutes spent tossing and turning through my thoughts. I will carry the half-written stories with me to once again return to them at night. None of it should be taken for granted because we truly never know how much more time God will allow our thoughts to wonder.
