10/22/2019
“Seasons of Rebirth”
To the girls like me who thought they knew exactly what they wanted at the age of twelve,
Everything you see and hear and feel is all valid. Your boxed in the idea of success and happiness just comes with the territory of mixed up hormones and limited access to the worlds beyond yours. You are doing so good with what you have. That smile you wear is real, and the love you feel is full. As time will pass, you will learn more. You’ll learn more about boys, friends, and politics. You’ll discover that boys are confusing, friends require work, and politics are not your thing.
You’ll learn a lot about your connection to positive thoughts and keeping good company. There will never be a dull moment in your mind, and every day is an excuse to be social. There will be hard days, but there will be many outstanding ones. When you turn fourteen, you may lose a lot of friends who you thought would be in your wedding one day. Let me let you in on a secret; those girls have growing to do to. Many of whom are going to do great things and learn to love people in their own ways, but they do not define you and your worth. This may be when you start to trust mom and dad more, they know a thing or two about life, I promise. (P.s. even at twenty-two the purple and silver color scheme you chose for your wedding is one of my dreams, but I might go with something less satin and ruffly when it comes to my dress).
You may find loving high school as a struggle. The conflict within you of not being enough or being too much will lead you many different places. You will befriend some of the most unique and authentic people who will be the only reason you make it out of bed some days. I will warn you though, you will all go your separate ways after you graduate, but it is a very natural transition, and you are all gonna be okay.
I am so proud of your diligence to your faith and perseverance to the things you love. Lean into art and speech and academics. So much joy will come from those friendships and accomplishments. Lean in to loving people well and listen when you go to small group and read love Does because love really Does amazing things.
Now let’s talk about college, shall we?
I am not going to write you a long novel about all of the changes and struggles you will go through from the age of eighteen to now because it is honestly the most exciting and terrifying plot twist of all time (at least it will be for you). Don’t you worry little one, your faith and identity being tested will teach you to love better and to experience entire cultures apart from your own.
As many times as I sit now and wish I could go back and “do more” or “try harder,” I honestly don’t want to spoil it for you because if put to the test, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every hour spent where you are going leads you through heartbreak (a few times and some worse than others), stress beyond what you can fathom at the age of twelve, and you discover your allergy to dairy, which is probably the hardest blow (stop eating the ice cream, it’s not worth it dude). But those times are sprinkled amid long night talks, taking walks around campus listening to the best jams, sweet kisses, hot wings, cliff jumping, tattoos, yellow doors, self-portraits, crazy RAs, basement bible studies, brown hair (WHAT?!), small apartments, killer yoga pants, rock walls, petrified waterfalls, deep conversations in Spanish, Christmas parties, bell-bottom pants, and putting your feet on the desk while the professor lectures. I legit could have kept adding to this list as a whole other blog post…so I hope you get the point.
I want to end this with the notion that you may always struggle with finding your middle. You will say you are fine and then not be fine. You will have all your thoughts together one day and lose them all the next. You will ask a lot of questions and then answer a ton. You will meal prep for weeks and then go right back to Taco Villa and Chick Fil A. Your ability to adapt is what sets you apart. Playing on the extremes is what pushes you into new things. Some people just won’t understand it, and THAT IS OKAY. Just love well and be authentic, the people you need, you will find.