If we allow ourselves to dream, we all have passions that no one really knows about. Things that make our hearts sing, and our minds move. These passions hide in the shadows of self-limitation. How many pieces of ourselves do we bury in our subconscious because “someone” else does it better, or “now is just not the time?”
When we are chasing our best and healthiest selves, these things tend to present themselves. This means not only do we have to recognize when we are not our best and healthiest selves but even when we feel like we are making the right moves, we have to listen. We have to open our eyes to the possibility that there is something still within you that is untapped, and its called potential. Want a tangible example? Here I wrote this up just for you, friend!
I spend almost as much time at local coffee shops as I do in the office at my 8-5 job. I have gotten to know the baristas, and don’t worry, my hidden dream is not to whip out sick latte art, although a valid choice, in my opinion.
I recently walked into a coffee shop that I found a few years ago. I freaking love this place, it is clean and groovy, and honestly, my favorite part is the people that chill at the tables around me. It isn’t a room full of hip and relevant youngins, but more often, it is a room filled with middle-aged business people, odd high school kids, and subtle dreamers. The chairs are bright orange, and the music is always good (I mean I wear headphones, but when I get up to go to the restroom, I totally groove the whole way.)
All of those things are things I love about this place, but as of late, the most prized thing about it for me is the art.
The paintings that are displayed literally matter to me at this point. The day I walk in, and they have changed who the featured artist is, is going to be a cold day, like saying goodbye to an old friend — the way the paintings make me feel matters. There is one painting I literally can’t sit under because the artist expressed such intense emotion in it that I feel like I take on its confusing and melancholy nature. On the other hand, there are two pieces I practically fight to sit under because I feel inspired by their joyful and whimsical character.
The reason these details are so important is that the first day I walked in and saw them, I immediately thought, “wow I used to think I could paint like that.” I thought, “I wish I could make people feel like that about my work.” I said to my inner self, “there is no way your stuff could matter like that,” and most of that wasn’t even directed towards painting, but for the sake of the story, let’s focus on the physical art.
For those of you who have only met me in the last three years, art used to be my life. I used to paint and draw portraits always. I was in every art class and filled sketchbooks extremely fast. Somewhere along the way to where I am now, I got to busy and started to believe that that part of me wasn’t needed anymore or that I would never be good enough to make more of it.
Now hear me out, I don’t plan on quitting my killer job and drenching myself in the lifestyle of a struggling artist. Far from that actually, but bringing out my paints and brushes again and giving myself the freedom to not be the best, to screw up the lighting, to misuse my space, and to get messy gave me an arena to dream. As I painted the flowers in her hair, I imagined ways to inspire you to look at your space and expectations for life and do the things nobody else knows about, even you.
More people in the last month, including my grandpa, were so shocked when I showed them this project. They had no idea that I had this in me. It was something that although, always held value, was set to the side to be forgotten.
I know it’s not perfect. I know my technique is off, and if when I look too closely at it, I start doing that thing again, that thing I want you to stop doing. I am posting it in its’ perfect imperfection.
I think you should look at your hands and your heart and ask yourself, am I the best or healthiest version of me that I can be right now? If you feel like you are just doing what you can to hold it together and you don’t have the space for this right now, that is okay; I don’t expect you to be any more than you are right now.
If you are ready to pursue what this could look like for you, let’s find your thing. Whether it is the fear of beating failure or the motivation of personal freedom, you have to let that drive you.
This thing, this piece of you doesn’t have to look like writing or painting as it does for me. It could look like thousands of things. It could look like volunteering in a refugee community, or crafting your appreciation for calligraphy, or practicing your eye for organizing by helping your friends.
The best way to do this is to first, don’t try so hard to find it. I know I spent this whole post telling you to look for it, but there is more to the process than waking up one day and finding the part of you that you didn’t even know you were looking for. You have to let go of the toxic thoughts in your life; you need to find a safe space for community, you should be open to trying new things. You can listen to yourself without forcing the hand of the universe and burning out too fast.
Second, give yourself grace. Finding things within you that have been buried or left behind can be hard and scary. Painting this picture was so freeing, but the fear of making this beautiful woman look wrong or less breathtaking was terrifying. There is fear in losing, but there is boldness in doing it anyway.
The subject of this painting is a beautiful embodiment of a person who inspires me to find the things in me I didn’t know existed. She shares her heart in her words and fierce personality. We are entirely different people with entirely different outlooks on the world, and it is because of that I had to capture her in acrylic.
If I am the sun,
She is the moon.
I bring light, and she brings truth.
I illuminate the world, and she keeps it in motion.
The moon watches the hidden sins of the night.
She walks with the unseen.
She lights up the shadows for those who are lost
If I am the sun,
She is the moon.
