The decade is closing. There is a large push for people to feel encouraged to reflect, so reflect I did.
While in my time of deep thought…and wine, I unveiled and wrote down five things I would argue are some of the most important things I learned over the last ten years of living.
Granted, I am twenty-two, so what do I know? 😏
I hope you see a little bit of your adventure in mine. Enjoy!
There is wealth in knowing that you are wrong. 👏🏼
We are all wrong.
Every minute of every day, we are wrong.
We are wrong about love, faith, and life.
Even those who study day in and day out, still cannot agree. They study the same philosophers and teachers and documents, yet no one is right. There are always things that have plot holes or spaces of uncertainty.
Why do we spend so much time trying to be right when we know that we are eventually wrong?
We should study and learn not in search of being right, but rather to expand our ability to think, hoping that in time we understand more than we ever thought possible.
There is wealth in knowing that being right shouldn’t be the final objective just as much as being able to control every aspect of our life is faulty.
So instead of spending so much time trying to do the right thing, I want to spend more time learning from my mistakes.
Craving knowledge and experience is worth more than a check mark on the do-to list of life.
I want to spend less time arguing with people whose only objective is to be right. There is too much breath wasted on dense minds.
There is such a thing as saying “sorry” too much.
I am not saying that you should never apologize.
I value the vulnerability and authenticity that a genuine apology holds.
There are times when you must apologize for the moments both seen and unseen in which you know that you have hurt someone. This gives you the ability to forgive and grow away from the hurt.
With that being said, you must be confident in your choices. 🙋🏼♀️
You should desire to live life in such a way that you value the mistakes and successes you have made.
You cannot spend all day worrying and hoping that other people will respond to those choices in the same way you do.
It is likely that the people you spend so much time apologizing to and for aren’t even thinking about you.
You have to understand the weight of an apology and know its worth.
The more sporadic you are with retracting your actions or words, the less valuable they become.
If everyone you know is used to hearing you treat yourself small, they will also start to treat you small.
This is not out of malicious intent or even conscious action most of the time, but more often, it is being taught to them by the way you treat yourself.
✨Value the people in your life enough to apologize when you know it is right, but value yourself in such a way that you stand firm in the choices you have made.✨
Getting to know you is valuable.
The practice of self-knowledge has become one of my biggest weapons against unhealthy habits in my life.
Do I have difficult seasons? Of course.
Have I still hurt people in ways I wasn’t even aware of? Yes, sir, I have.
Do I feel like I am a better version of myself today than I was yesterday and all the days previous?
Indeed I do.
There shouldn’t be an expectation that if you spend time getting to know your habits, beliefs, practices, motivators, etc. that you will solve all of your life problems.
Because problems exist no matter what.
Rahter self development teaches you how to REACT to those pains, struggles, and emotions that no one else can carry for you.
Read any book written in the last ten years about a successful business or successful you, and you will find this exact concept.
There is wealth in knowing how you, as an individual, manage stress. There is weight in your ability to gauge what level of mental health you are at when you are making an important decision.
In the next ten years, I want to be better at implementing this in my relationships and in my expectations for myself.
I am excited to grow exponentially from my past year of discovering myself, and I encourage you to take a chance on it as well.
Just because you are okay today doesn’t mean you have to be tomorrow.
I’ve said this before, and I am going to say it again.
You can be on your A-game today, and if you wake up tomorrow feeling like an F, you are not alone.
Somedays making it to the gym and remembering to take your vitamins and writing 2000 words for your most recent project come easy.
Other days you are proud that you didn’t spill your coffee and that you at least ate dinner, even if it was Oreos and wine. 😬
You can pretend all you want that this doesn’t happen to you, but it isn’t until you accept this and begin to implement your knowledge of self that you will see the growth even on the days or seasons where everything feels more difficult.
Knowing that there will be seasons where you may not love yourself or others the way they deserve helps you to recognize that time and address the root of those emotions.
This idea of knowing that you may wake up one day and be less okay is also essential during your best times.
There is value in knowing that at any moment, it could shift. You could find yourself on the edge of a cliff you never even saw coming. You could face something you said would never happen.
Being aware of this gives you an appreciation for the good days and the fun times.
You can see the quality of that time and space as rare and special.
There should be no expectation placed on yourself to be the best version of you that you can be at all times. We are shit people sometimes. It happens.
Sometimes you gotta put down the hustle and learn to struggle.
It will always encourage you to cherish your best Saturdays and appreciate the people in your life while you can.
Your worth isn’t tied to “them” or “it” or “him.”
👉🏼 No matter what your spirituality, or lack thereof, you are on this Earth for a purpose.
I believe that not only are you here but that you were designed to be here.
You were created to have impact and growth and free will.
You are defined by more than the number of friends you have or degrees you possess.
Until you believe that about yourself. Until you stop tying your worth up in the dreams and expectations of others, you will never truly understand it.
I don’t write this claiming that I have this figured out, and I honestly believe we never can fully grasp it as people.
What I do know is that every time I am hurt, or every time my circumstance shifts, I bounce back faster and stronger. Every time I get knocked down, getting up doesn’t seem so scary.
When I do not have to rely on someone else holding my hand and telling me I am worth fighting for, there is more freedom.
I am learning to continually look at myself and tell her that there is no moment where what I was created to be is any less than remarkable.
The pain I feel is valid, and the things I have been through, although rarely verbalized, are worth something.
You are more than rumors.
You are more than heartbreak.
You are more than racist remarks.
You are more than the terrible things you have faced.
You are more than the death you have seen.
You are more than the pain you may have caused in your moment of weakness.
You are more than your corner window job.
You are more than a mother.
You are worth a whole lot more than I believe that you think you are.
I cannot make you see your worth because it is not tied up around me.
I can’t carry that for you.
You have to go on your journey and talk to God and talk to yourself.
You have to look in the mirror and decide to like what you are producing.
You have to do it for you and your loves.
I wish it were the easiest thing I ever did, to recognize my worth, but it is a constant battle and an illustration of my humanity at work.
